Just A Sign
by Melskim
Summary: My first little subber fic. Set during Chakram. X/G


Just A Sign

Disclaimer: I do not own anything.

A/N: This fic was created as a gift for the secret santa game of XOC. To my special secret santa. Enjoy the holidays Eve!!!! My best wishes :D

A/N2: Lots of thanks to my dear friend and beta-reader Akka. Thank you so much!

***

I was wandering around Caleb's house, lost in my own thoughts, when I found her. Would she return to being the strong woman I knew? Would she want to do that? Would she want to remember everything, to keep all the nightmares that I knew haunted her most of the nights? When her bedroll magically appeared next to mine and the wind and being outside was an issue of my health, I always relished those nights and even for my private and no so honorable thoughts I love them. Those nights, when her body was touching mine, my shoulders encased in her warmth, but now she is free of that hunting shadow, of her darker days. To be honest, she is no longer herself. "Gods I need a sign…", I whisper, passing the entrance to one of the balconies, and there...

There she is, so beautiful.

My thoughts stopped in their tracks at the sight of her, and I heard her saying the same thing I said, we needed a sign. This I took as one, she was lost this way, she wasn't herself like this, this was not my Xena.

I heard her, and I could tell by the way she said it that she needed to take it off her chest. If everything would be the way it used to be, she would be sparring or sharpening her sword now. But that wasn't familiar anymore, and I got the feeling that was what she needed right then, to take out her sword and move the sharpening rock and the cloth on it. Through that she would find her peace, and give me those steady sounds that have encompassed my writing for so many nights in the past five years.

I approached her quietly from behind, the old Xena would have turned quicker and somehow her eyes would have given out that she had an escape route and at least three possible weapons to be used, but she just turned and greeted me and then I knew how far she was from being her old self.

"Xena-- are you praying?" Like I said she turned, and gave me a wary smile, as if she didn't know how to approach me, how to talk to me. I felt crushed. But beneath that strange smile a hint of a nervous blush was hidden. A glimpse of my Xena, hiding her reactions.

After all that has been said inside the house it was no mystery why she was here alone, we, although unintentionally, were suffocating her. It was not her fault, she didn't even know why two gods were after her, in that intimate way, at least one of them. But she was aware of it, she knew she caused a difference, that she was special.

"I can't help wondering if we're doing the right thing. Restoring this darkness, my violence-- can that really be good?" So I stopped my thoughts once again and focused on her, solely on her. Those eyes, those lips and the way her brow quivers when something is keeping her mind busy. Setting aside my selfish wishes and my hunger for answers, I, patiently as always, stepped forward to stand next to her, like she had always done with me. I couldn't believe I was so blessed as to see what I see in her every day, every moment. So beautiful.

"I think it's vital. I know that sounds strange, coming from me. I think you have to know the darkest part of yourself-- to be whole." As I was saying it, I sounded strong and passionate, and right there and then I knew that even if my path had changed recently, she was my real path, my real soul, and I would always accept her the way she accepted me. Completely, with my virtues and faults. She was the one for me and I hoped I could be the right one for her. I focused once again on her words, it was difficult to focus on anything else if those eyes were looking straight into your soul.

"But this way, I harm no one." She was stressing herself now. She thought of herself as a killer. But, was she right…? No! That couldn't be... if it were true, I wouldn't have followed her all those years ago. I left my naivety and innocence behind me and became a woman under her wing. She was biting her lip now and I smiled at the sight. She was my Xena all right, even if she didn't know it. I felt my eyes tearing up and she took a couple of steps towards me. I felt the rush her proximity evoked in me and my heart beat faster. I shook my head and then looked at her with all the love I could muster up so easily if it was for her.

"But Xena, what about the people who harm others? Xena, you have this balance of light and darkness. Without both of those-- the very best in you is defenseless." I was so centered on what I was saying that I didn't see her coming closer to me. I shivered at the closeness of our bodies, she took my hand and I squeezed it hard, not wanting to let go. Not wanting that moment to stop. I felt her arms coming around my own like nothing had changed, like the everyday occurrences of our life together.

I leaned, and rested my head in the nape of her neck as she breathes, "My sign…" Then she put some space between us, not knowing what to do after that. "Never mind", she said into my ear, moving out of my comfort zone as I mustered up the courage to stop her. Our bodies entangled again, this time from my initiative, and I heard her sigh happily, knowing that what she had been feeling was right. I loved her alright. She knew it. I hoped she did. I needed to tell her once more.

So I did. "I love you." I felt her smile against my skin and my head tilted upwards, our lips just an inch apart before I captured them in a sweet kiss.

We laughed, like new lovers does and I knew everything would be alright, that she would be alright. She squeezed my hand and I let my head rest on her shoulder, as we turned to see the greatness of the waterfall in front of us.

It is funny it was the first time I noticed the waterfall since I entered the balcony.


End file.
